Why the worrying “habit loop” is so hard to break
Marketers have always been stereotypical worriers, but now it seems that everyone is sinking in a endless cycle of stress.
We worry about deadlines, money, our health, why our boss wants to talk with us, whether or not we can afford avocados anymore, and the list goes on…
Now, there are lucky people that will consider a problem at hand, decide what to do, do the thing, and then move on never to worry about it again.
For others of us, that seems impossible, and we get stuck in a never-ending cycle of concern (hey, friends!). We worry about the problem until we pull all the pieces apart, and then worry about those parts individually.
Worrying tricks our brain into believing we’ve fixed the problems we can’t control.
Wait! Backup - quick lesson: The terms “anxiety” and “worry” are not interchangeable.
Anxiety is a feeling of unease related to fear. It’s a persistent pitter-patter in your chest, or the butterflies in your gut that make you perpetually queasy. And, speaking as someone who was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder before it was cool… anxiety is best treated with the support of a professional, not some rando on the internet like me.
Worrying is a habit loop that can plague anyone for a moment, even those that don’t have general anxiety.
What’s the “worrying habit loop”?
As explained by Jud Brewer, M.D. Ph.D, (who also has one of the top Ted Talks, watch it below), a habit loop has three parts:
Trigger
Behavior
Result
1 - Trigger
Triggers instigate an emotion, need, or impulse. It might be something like:
An email from your boss with the subject line “Can you drop by my office?”
A notification from your news app
Two missed calls from your mom
2 - Behavior
“Behavior” is the worrying habit itself. You begin to:
Assume your boss had a problem with the way you conducted your meeting so you replay the meeting in detail and identify each thing you would have done differently and what you’d do next time
Assume the News announced the beginning of WW3 so you start preparing to survive nuclear winter because you’ve wanted to learn to hunt squirrel anyway and your family can live off of all the sauerkraut you made
Assume your Dad just went into the hospital but as long as you can drop your kids off with your coworker’s sister then you can make it there in 30 minutes
Does any of that worrying sound familiar?
3 - Result
The result is how you feel about the behavior. Usually it’s good feeling, at least for a moment.
Worrying seems like it helps because it tricks your brain that you’ve solved a problem. You get that scrumptious kick of reward-oriented dopamine and feel accomplished for a moment… but it’s short lived.
The worry habit loop will continue, because the problem isn’t solved.
For a short time, the brain feels calmer after worrying. You “fixed” the problem. But, once you witness the trigger again (the email) you’ll repeat behavior (worry), which will repeat the result.
From Dr. Jud: He breaks down the habit loop based on our brain’s natural evolution, and the brain’s learning process of positive and negative reinforcement:
“This reward-based learning process is called positive and negative reinforcement, and basically goes like this. We see some food that looks good, our brain says, “Calories! … Survival!” We eat the food, we taste it — it tastes good. And especially with sugar, our bodies send a signal to our brain that says, “Remember what you’re eating and where you found it.” We lay down this context-dependent memory and learn to repeat the process next time. See food, eat food, feel good, repeat. Trigger, behavior, reward.”
How to break free from the worrying habit loop
At the end of his Ted Talk, Dr. Jud recommends mindfulness, the process of self-awareness, curiosity, and letting go. If you’re tired of the mental load of worrying, I want to add interject one step beforehand: self compassion.
When we’re ready to heal, we need self compassion.
The internet is full of mindful and meditation practices, but it’s hard to make ourselves do those practices if we feel crappy about ourselves. Whoever said “meditation is calming” was lying to you - especially in the beginning, meditation very difficult.
Once you have the awareness that worrying sucks, and you don’t want to be stuck in that loop anymore, tell yourself that it’s ok. Give yourself some compassion. We often beat ourselves up for being less than perfect.
If this is feeling cringey for you… I understand, but keep going. You made it this far in the article! Try using the phrase “Inner-resilience” instead of “self-compassion.”
Do do I grow inner resilience and self-compassion?
What would you tell your best friend right now?
I understand that you’re worried, but I really think you should open that email. You did a great job in that meeting. Even if your boss has a few pointers, she appreciates all the hard work you do.
I got that news alert too, and you’re not crazy for being concerned. The news is wild and it’s easy to be afraid.
Your mom called twice? Call her back right now! I’d be Catastrophizing too, don’t beat yourself up about that. Even if something’s wrong, we’ll all get through this. Your dad is old, but he’s healthy. It’ll be ok.
Worrying gets in the way of what’s real, and creates a habit with a deep groove. It will take time to break free and lead the mind elsewhere.
Whenever you feel overwhelmed, take it slow. Give yourself a pat on the back, and try a mindful practice (remember, it’s more than meditation!). Healing is a marathon, not a sprint.
Additional Resources:
About Jud Brewer: https://drjud.com/
Habit Loops and Everyday Addictions: https://drjud.com/habit-loops-everyday-addictions/
Positive Psychology, 21 Mindfulness Exercises: https://positivepsychology.com/mindfulness-exercises-techniques-activities/
Kristen Neff, self-compassion researcher, as a guest on the podcast “10 Percent Happier with Dan Harris”: https://youtu.be/ULcytD5HRvA?si=ZOuyfrmtsxV33yDA
